156th Retail CEO Praised This Year for Recognising ‘Digital is the Future’ in 2014

Yet another CEO of a large conglomerate retail firm has been wheeled out of their temperature controlled lair to announce that, “Digital is the future for global retail”, only to be as quickly rolled back from whence¬†they came.

In this year’s 156th identical piece of PR for PR firm, Shit’s Too Easy, David Boshchild, CEO of The Great Big Bastard Corporation, today announced in the face of increasing pressure on his bricks and mortar business, that digital is in fact, the future.

His word for word plagiarism of every other god forsaken CEO who has uttered those words this year, prior to him, has lead many an industry professional to suggest that this could be the beginning of the end for Mr. Boshchild. However initial reports from other sources do suggest otherwise.

Following his forecast into the future of the retail industry, Mr. Boshchild has actually been nominated for the ‘Thought Leadership in Innovation’ prize at the inaugural ‘Computers and Retail’ exhibition to be staged later this month.

Coincidentally, the entire event is being funded by The Great Big Bastard Corporation.

Other nominations at the exhibition have been made to Marketing Director, Colin Wristy, for suggesting that consumers have more of an affinity to personable brands, and Finance Director, Phil Thesetits, who managed to save his department £100,000 a year, simply by paying the lowest paid retail employees 10p less per hour.

Dakota Fannycycle

Dakota Fannycycle

Reporter at Newspoof
Dakota Fannycycle is our far too industrious reporter from the United States of America. She can typically be found at her desk, furiously writing nonsense at unfathomable rates. In her spare time, she sits silently in a dark room for 12 hours, waiting for work to start again.
Dakota Fannycycle