Ravers Quickly Learning To Avoid People Who’ve Never Experienced Sleep Paralysis

Balloons For a Tenner

Ravers the world over are noticing a common theme¬†between people they don’t want to hang out with and people whom have never experienced sleep paralysis.

This realisation could not have come at a more convenient time, with the height of festival season and the beautiful Summer weather leaving ravers with very little free time on their hands.

“I’ve not got time for people who claim to be having a good time, but are clearly faking it.” Commented Glasto veteran, Lydia Percaspo.

“Sleep paralysis, head zaps and a perpetual feeling of impending doom; these things are just a clear sign that you’ve had the best time you could possibly have.”

“It’s like the same people who’ve never had memory loss from alcohol and who once in a blue moon forget the taxis drivers name on the way home then reckon they got roofied…”

“Get over yourself. No-ones roofying you because you ain’t fit.”

Keith Smith

Keith Smith

Reporter at Newspoof
Keith Smith is the vanilla reporter with the blandest name in England, probably the world. He thinks a lot of himself and god knows why. He's a dick.
Keith Smith