Christians Report That ‘God Was About To Perform Miracle Before Human Intervention’

God About to Perform a Miracle

A new statement from the Christian church has announced that God was about to save that boy from getting hit by a car, before some mindless human bystander intervened.

An investigation by the Christian Research and Papal Supremacy group (C.R.A.P.S) has found that God was indeed going to perform many miracles, as recently as last week, before thoughtless individuals got in the way.

“There really isn’t enough faith in God. We have been saying this for some time.” Comments father O’Dublinharp.

“We have performed extensive research using books that are millenia older than secular science has in their possession – therefore much more important. And we have found that God seems to have been thwarted in millions of divine interventions by individuals who are stealing all the glory.”

“It’s a bit like David Nugent’s sole goal for the England Football team.”

According to the church, if we stop helping others in situations which could be perceived as an emergency, we will see much more divine intervention which would in turn, cause more people to become believers.

O’Dublinharp continued, “When will the world learn to trust the teachings of the Lord? We urge the general public to trust these ground-breaking ecclesiastical findings. Don’t help that old lady who has just fell into the road as that lorry approaches and marvel at God’s work.”

Keith Smith

Keith Smith

Reporter at Newspoof
Keith Smith is the vanilla reporter with the blandest name in England, probably the world. He thinks a lot of himself and god knows why. He's a dick.
Keith Smith