Local Man Offers Homeless Person Look Of Sympathy In Lieu Of Cash

Homeless Man Gets Look of Smypathy

Whilst making his way to the barbers, local man Robert Gardener today resorted to offering a homeless person a look of fake and exaggerated sympathy in lieu of the cash he kindly requested.

“I just didn’t have enough time to think it through. I turned the corner and he was sat just there, cap in hand, asking if I could spare some change.” Mr. Gardener told Newspoof after we caught up with him this afternoon.

“Luckily, for both the homeless man and for my own sanity, I did manage to muster a look of histrionic guilt to send his way, which, I think in the end was actually worth more than the currency he originally wanted.”

Gardener, a 31 year old hedge fund manager, mentioned that he had contemplated giving cash to the man, but faced both physical and mental obstacles in doing so.

“Well I bought these new jeans yesterday and the pockets are really tight so getting in and out of the pockets is a little difficult. Also, about 6 years ago I offered a homeless person half of my Tuna and Cucumber panini from Starbucks and they looked at me in disgust. So that did factor into my decision.”

“Anyway, any feelings of guilt I may have had have been well and truly quelled now. I started following the Shelter charity on Instagram today and also shared a post I saw about homeless people apparently being real people too. So no bad karma for me!”

Dakota Fannycycle

Dakota Fannycycle

Reporter at Newspoof
Dakota Fannycycle is our far too industrious reporter from the United States of America. She can typically be found at her desk, furiously writing nonsense at unfathomable rates. In her spare time, she sits silently in a dark room for 12 hours, waiting for work to start again.
Dakota Fannycycle