A man in his twenties has been shunned by friends after an abhorrent instance of hug-kiss purgatory with a female acquaintance at a party.
David Thompson, 24, was at a friends birthday party when the unthinkable situation occurred.
“I just didn’t see it coming,” Said David. “I saw a girl across the room at the party who I haven’t seen for about 6 months. I thought nothing of it and just went over to say hello. Went for the kiss on the cheek and that’s when it all started to go horribly wrong…”
“I went for the kiss and she didn’t. But when I pulled back, she moved forwards, resulting in the weirdest back and forth head bouncing manoeuvre any social situation has ever witnessed and it seemed to go on for about 10 minutes.”
“If I’d had a gun, I would have shot her and then turned it on myself…”
David’s best friend, Liam said, “I can hardly bring myself to look at him. Literally, the sight of his face now makes me vomit horrendously.”
Famed anthropologist, Quentin Queniborough, helped further explain the severity of what occurred.
“Hug-kiss purgatory is quite literally the worst thing that can occur between two human beings. It is rumored that whenever a kid in America shoots up a high school, multiple incidents of hug-kiss purgatory can traced back through their teenage years.”
“In anthropological terms, yes, it is worse than Katie Price.”
Zach changed his name, quit football and now travels the world seeking out spoof news and weak minded individuals in equal measure. A dangerous and disturbing man and quite possibly the most perfect epitome of a Newspoof stakeholder.