FIFA are going to introduce the tried and tested playground model of ‘penalty or a goal’ in time for the 2015/2016 season. This is amidst claims from Sepp Blatter that it could “help settle thousands of on pitch disputes” and ultimately speed up the game.
Just as it seemed that global football might be turning the tide and moving towards a new and exciting age of technology, pre-historic turd, Blatter, has decided to wind back the clocks by introducing a rule which proved extremely popular when he was at school.
“The penalty or a goal rule was a birthright for all young men playing football at school. Why shouldn’t that same rule be applied to the modern game? It frequently helped to eradicate any complaints, surrounding whether or not the ball went in the goal, at my school.”
When Blatter was reminded about the sophisticated goal line technology, which he’d only just sanctioned the previous year, already being rolled out in football leagues all over the world, he simply scoffed.
“Ha! There’s no way that goal line technology could be as effective or speedy as the ‘penalty or a goal’ rule!? I’ve spent excessively to have the following flow chart put together to describe the simple complexity of the rule.”
“My rule is final. ‘Penalty or a goal’ will be an integral part of global football next year.”