Ryder Cup Just a Fantastic Excuse for Inter-Continental “Wife Swapping Orgy”

Ryder Cup Wife Swapping Orgy Couples

The Ryder Cup has been nothing but a cloak for a biennial, inter-continental wife-swapping orgy according to ex-USA team member, Davis Love III.

“The golf is nothing but a side act to the heinous debauchery that occurs when the day is finished.” Stated Mr. Davis Love III.

“We’re talking 4 consecutive evenings of some of the most lewd sex acts that the human mind is capable of conjuring. 2 years spent preparing for this one weekend of unholiness where 22 golfers and their WAGs come together in a part sexual, part violent union. Exchanging bodily fluids at the fastest rate possible and praying to god you don’t get in Tiger Wood’s way.”

The staggering revelations brought to light by Mr. Davis Love III serve to question the motivation behind the golfers ambitions to actually play golf at all, if the only reason they are at the holy grail of the golfing calendar is to stick it to Sergio Garcia’s new missus.

“Zach, you’ve gone and asked the question and answered it there in the same sentence…”

“There is no better motivation to get out of bed every day and smack a ball around 36 holes than knowing at the end of the year you get to smack it to a load of European WAGs as well. It is the sole motivation required to keep playing.”

“If you’ve ever wondered why Golfers, more than any other sportsmen, go through more beautiful wives than an Arabian Prince. It’s because it became a pre-requisite for entry way back in 1993…”

“It’s a god-damn beautiful sport.”

Zach Mindbender

Zach Mindbender

Reporter / Mind Wizard at Newspoof
Zach Mindbender (prev. Johnson) was starting quarterback for his high school football team before an almost fatal accident changed the way he viewed the world, forever...

Zach changed his name, quit football and now travels the world seeking out spoof news and weak minded individuals in equal measure. A dangerous and disturbing man and quite possibly the most perfect epitome of a Newspoof stakeholder.
Zach Mindbender