Train Companies Perform Satanic Ritual to Evoke Icelandic Volcano

Volcano

Train conglomerates across Europe have recently returned from a mass satanic ritual at the peak of the Dyngjujokull Glacier where they were trying to evoke the infamous Volcano into eruption.

Hundreds of share holders and directors of some of Europe’s largest train firms, all came up with the idea after having waited four years since the great ‘windfall’ that came to them after the eruption in 2010.

“People took to travelling by train to get around Europe, after the volcano erupted in 2010. We made a f***ing killing.” Said Great Irish Train (G.I.T) share holder, Gilbert O’Furtherhand.

“A few of the lads here need new Ferraris and I am after the new Bugatti Veyron. We really hate spending our massive savings so this seemed like the only logical solution.”

Karl Miserly, head of the rail travel hedge fund consortium, famously boiled the tears of the shattered dreams of children to create the great smog which grounded planes at Gatwick and Heathrow late last year.

“I’ve headed up these unnatural disasters before and am quite the specialist at it. We sacrificed orphans and puppies to the volcano this year. You watch it go off like a rocket.”

“Oh and by the way, train fees are going up again.”

Dakota Fannycycle

Dakota Fannycycle

Reporter at Newspoof
Dakota Fannycycle is our far too industrious reporter from the United States of America. She can typically be found at her desk, furiously writing nonsense at unfathomable rates. In her spare time, she sits silently in a dark room for 12 hours, waiting for work to start again.
Dakota Fannycycle