Jimmy Savile Resurrected and Killed According to Internet Murmours

A variety of online news sources have reported that Jimmy Savile, one time charity man and eternal manifestation of evil, has been resurrected in a Pagan ritual, only to be repeatedly battered and once again returned to the grave from which he came.

The news has caused such a stir that it has even began trending again on the BBC News site:

Savile Returns and Returns

It is reported that the Paedo Eliminators Righteous Vigilante Enterprise (P.E.R.V.E) decided to bring Savile back when one of it’s members learned how to perform a resurrection.

“Stevey told a few of the other members that he had learnt how to do a resurrection and had successfully performed the ritual on a dead rat at home.”

“We unanimously agreed to go to Savile’s grave and try it there too. Though we’re not yet sure if it worked solely because the rat is of a very similar composition to Savile.”

“He came back to life and we quickly sent him back to the grave he’d crawled out of. All in all it was a pretty successful resurrection.”

“Yes, it could well become an annual part of our organisations social calendar.”

Dakota Fannycycle

Dakota Fannycycle

Reporter at Newspoof
Dakota Fannycycle is our far too industrious reporter from the United States of America. She can typically be found at her desk, furiously writing nonsense at unfathomable rates. In her spare time, she sits silently in a dark room for 12 hours, waiting for work to start again.
Dakota Fannycycle