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Home Posts by “Dakota Fannycycle”

Alex Turner’s “Who is Kanye?” T-shirt Influential In Kanye West ‘Ye’-brand

Alex Turner Reason For Change to Ye

Alex Turner’s new t-shirt line was apparently a key factor in forcing Kanye West’s ‘Ye’-brand when he confirmed he would be changing his name in a bid to levy favor …

White House Efficiency Dictates Trump’s Next Son Be Named “Douchebag”

No longer can Donald Trump’s naming conventions for his seemingly never ending conveyor belt of offspring be allowed to flirt with the peripheries of subtlety and metaphor. Now that the …

Local Man Offers Homeless Person Look Of Sympathy In Lieu Of Cash

Homeless Man Gets Look of Smypathy

Whilst making his way to the barbers, local man Robert Gardener today resorted to offering a homeless person a look of fake and exaggerated sympathy in lieu of the cash he kindly requested. “I …

General Election Succeeds In Exacerbating Truth That We All Fucking Hate Each Other

Shutterstock The results of today’s general election have put to rest two months of moronic banter which has done nothing but successfully uncover the deep-rooted abhorrence that is felt amongst …

Man Inadvertently Shows This Morning’s Porn To Hundreds Of Commuters

Man Phone Embarrassed

A London man suffered indescribable embarrassment this morning as he opened up his smartphone browser, only to display the hardcore pornographic imagery he had been thrashing his fleshy phallus to …

Channel 5 Launch Rival To HBO Epic Named ‘Game Of Benefits’

Game of Benefits

Channel 5, the notorious British TV channel famed for expertly exploiting the working class, has decided to launch a fantasy epic based on a council estate in Mansfield called, ‘Game …

All Pension Holders Offered ‘Double Or Nothing’ On Life Savings

Pensioners up and down the UK have been offered a once in a lifetime ‘double or nothing’ deal on their accumulated life savings, reports confirm. The conglomerate of pension companies …

Pedophile Given ‘Keys To The City’ As Lucky 1,000th Pedophile Arrested This Year

Pedophile Doctor

A Doctor, who was initially arrested in London today, has instead been given the ‘keys to the city’ as the lucky 1,000th pedophile arrested in the UK this year. Dr. …

156th Retail CEO Praised This Year for Recognising ‘Digital is the Future’ in 2014

Yet another CEO of a large conglomerate retail firm has been wheeled out of their temperature controlled lair to announce that, “Digital is the future for global retail”, only to …

Single People Contemplate Installing Tinder for 17th Time

Tinder Bitch

Single people around the world are reportedly contemplating installing Tinder again, for an average 17th time. Tinder – the last bastion of solace for singletons since 2012 – has been …

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