In a recent interview, the English Football Association has confirmed that the quantity, frequency and down-right absurdity of a candidates facial creases play a key factor when selecting England manager. …
Train Companies Perform Satanic Ritual to Evoke Icelandic Volcano
Train conglomerates across Europe have recently returned from a mass satanic ritual at the peak of the Dyngjujokull Glacier where they were trying to evoke the infamous Volcano into eruption. …
Van Gaal Rues Missed Opportunity to Sign “Gazza”
New Manchester United boss, Louis Van Gaal, has been ruing the lack of scouting ability and foresight within Man Utd after having recently missed out on the opportunity to sign …
Pornstar’s ‘Right to be Forgotten’ Clears Almost Half of Google’s Index
A pornstar, whose name we can no longer mention, has exercised her ‘right to be forgotten’ as she looks to secure employ in a new career as a women’s rights …
Festival Haters Look Forward to Buying up Big Event Tickets for 2015
A recent Ticketgeezer.com survey has found that the majority of people who snap up priceless early-bird festival tickets, for big events like Glastonbury and Bestival, are actually way more in …
Jimmy Savile Resurrected and Killed According to Internet Murmours
A variety of online news sources have reported that Jimmy Savile, one time charity man and eternal manifestation of evil, has been resurrected in a Pagan ritual, only to be …
God Floods UK & USA for Trying to Play God in Middle-East
A statement from the pearly gates indicates that God has been the cause of Hurricane Bertha, resulting in floods and heavy winds across much of the UK and USA. The …
Everyone ‘Must Pick a Side’ in Relation to the Gaza Conflict
Pro-Palestinian and Pro-Israeli supporters rallied together to lynch a group of people who refused to take sides in the Gaza conflict, unconfirmed sources have rumoured. One of the supporters stated, …
‘Coolness’ was the Deciding Factor in Premier League Using Vanishing Spray this Season
The Premier League’s decision to use vanishing spray this season was influenced primarily by how ‘cool’ everyone thought it was at the World Cup. The Premier League has this season …
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