A monumental increase in the number of people arbitrarily using the word “LOL” online has prompted a stern warning from local Police authorities stating, “Watch out. They’re probably paedos.” Shocking …
Ravers Quickly Learning To Avoid People Who’ve Never Experienced Sleep Paralysis
Ravers the world over are noticing a common theme between people they don’t want to hang out with and people whom have never experienced sleep paralysis. This realisation could not have …
European Football To Introduce ‘Penalty Or A Goal’ For 2015/2016 Season
FIFA are going to introduce the tried and tested playground model of ‘penalty or a goal’ in time for the 2015/2016 season. This is amidst claims from Sepp Blatter that …
Lonsdale Directors Thank Eastern European Community For Record Breaking Profits
Directors at sportswear brand, Lonsdale, have publicly thanked the Eastern European community for solely engineering their business to a year of record breaking profits, through the relentless and perpetual purchasing …
Pope To Resit Sunday School Exams After Claiming Jesus Would Have “Battered Some Fuckers”
Pope Francis has been asked to return to Sunday School classes and resit a final examination test again after claiming that in the face of provocation one should respond with …
British Board of Film Classification Insist Britons Wank To ‘Vanilla Bullshit’
A new study by adult smut site, Pornhub has revealed a long list of newly banned porn types by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) who are insisting the …
London Considering Numerous Human Traffic Measures Around City
Boris Johnson today announced that, amidst the ongoing negotiations surrounding the pedestrianisation of London’s city centre, installing pedestrian only traffic lights and other pedestrian traffic safety systems would be “largely …
Unemployed Man Rides Tube During Commute to Quell Agonising Loneliness
An unemployed man living in London has taken to riding the underground during busy commuter hours, just to feel the warmth of other human beings. Our reporters have confirmed. John …
Fat Celebs File Lawsuit Against iCloud Hackers
A number of grossly obese celebrities have filed a lawsuit against the iCloud hackers – who have leaked hundreds of attractive celebrities nude photos – after questioning why their accounts …
UN Decides the Path to World Peace Requires More War
In light of increasing tension in the Middle East and Ukraine, the United Nations held an emergency summit yesterday at which they decided that world peace could only be attained …
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