Author: Keith Smith

  • Internet Trolls are all Actually Just Bored City Bankers

    Internet Trolls are all Actually Just Bored City Bankers

    According to a recent web analytics report from stealyourdata.com, the majority of internet trolls are actually just bored city bankers whose other leisure activities no longer interest them. “I used to pay women use me as a human darts board. That was fun for a while. But then I found out about internet trolling…” comments…

  • Fat People Officially ‘Taking the Piss’

    Fat People Officially ‘Taking the Piss’

    A new survey from the office of national surveys has ascertained the collective mentality of the nations fats, and that they are actually, ‘taking the piss’. “I’ve been taking the piss for some time now…” comments Beth Lardeson. “I was never really overweight growing up but put on a little weight in my early twenties.…

  • Christians Report That ‘God Was About To Perform Miracle Before Human Intervention’

    Christians Report That ‘God Was About To Perform Miracle Before Human Intervention’

    A new statement from the Christian church has announced that God was about to save that boy from getting hit by a car, before some mindless human bystander intervened. An investigation by the Christian Research and Papal Supremacy group (C.R.A.P.S) has found that God was indeed going to perform many miracles, as recently as last…

  • Celtic’s Perfectly Executed ‘Kansas City Shuffle’

    Celtic’s Perfectly Executed ‘Kansas City Shuffle’

    Celtic have again been rewarded for a flawlessly executed tactic of misdirection which has seen their team edge closer to Champions League qualification. Legia Warsaw have been dumped out of the competition for fielding an ineligible player, something Celtic also managed to achieve just three years ago when playing European minnows, Sion, who are reportedly named…

  • Tiger Woods Back Problems Definitely all Golf Related…

    Tiger Woods Back Problems Definitely all Golf Related…

    Tiger Woods has a long history of back problems which are definitely all related to the high intense sport which is his profession. And nothing else… His latest injury setback has caused him to pull out (ahem) of the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational in Ohio after he shanked it a little bit too hard out of the rough and had…

  • Mourinho ‘had’ to Re-sign Drogba to Obtain Key to Secret WAG Porn Stash

    Mourinho ‘had’ to Re-sign Drogba to Obtain Key to Secret WAG Porn Stash

    Jose Mourinho ‘had’ to re-sign Didier Drogba for Chelsea, as apparently the 36 year old striker was the only one who knew the 4 digit PIN code to the secret WAG porn stash. A stash which now hasn’t seen the light of day for two years and exists somewhere at the Cobham Training Centre. “Myself and…

  • Foxes Celebrate a Decade of ‘Free Reign’ with Booze and Drugs Parties in City Streets

    Foxes Celebrate a Decade of ‘Free Reign’ with Booze and Drugs Parties in City Streets

    Foxes all over England have been celebrating the impending anniversary of the fox hunting ban with a traditionally urban booze and drugs orgy. It has been almost ten years since the ban and it would seem that foxes have taken to the streets to celebrate in much the same way a group of 15 year olds might. “The foxes…