“There was a deal on Brussel Sprouts that was just too good to turn down.” Said Mum. The sentence struck dread in the entire Smith family who knew that their …
Girlfriend Perplexed Boyfriend Doesn’t Know Ending To Movie Neither Have Seen Before
Amanda Taylor, girlfriend of two years to Scott Turner, was massively perplexed last night that Scott didn’t know key plot developments of a movie neither of them had seen before …
Mental Health Foundation Reclassify Lunatic as Person Who Uses Facebook as Diary
The Mental Health Foundation today reclassified their definition of the word ‘lunatic’ (the highest grade of mental) to encapsulate users of Facebook who seem to think the social platform is …
Woman Dies After Making Final Pointless Scroll Down Facebook News Feed
A British woman sadly died today after making a fatally pointless scroll down her Facebook news feed. Early toxicology reports indicate that a combination of sheer boredom and self loathing …
‘Shitting Yourself’ Voted Literally The Worst Thing A Guy Can Do When Meeting New In-Laws
In a recent nationwide survey by stillsingle.com, shitting yourself when meeting new in-laws was voted as the worst thing that could possibly happen in that situation. The survey provided 5 …
Facebook To Immediately Attribute 100 Likes To Engagement, Pregnancy & Baby Posts
Facebook has made a change to its algorithm which will instantly attribute around 100 likes to any post announcing an engagement, pregnancy or infant baby photos, a Facebook spokesperson has …
‘Sydney Siege’; Retail Giants Battle For Sponsorship Rights To Hostage Situation
In the wake of the news that a suspected IS affiliated gunman held hostages in a cafe in Sydney’s CBD, retail Giants Wal-Mart, Amazon & Target have all been quick …
Almost 95% Of Tube Commuters Are Ugly, New Report Confirms
A new report from the office of the Alignment of Rail Services and Envy (A.R.S.E) has confirmed that 95% of London’s tube commuters are ugly. The study took 5 men …
Russell Brand’s Revolution Will Begin on a Tuesday, Sources Confirm
Sources behind Russell Brand’s revolution have confirmed that after much debate, the revolution will properly start on a Tuesday. The day was picked as it is likely be the “shittest …
Pedophile Group Labelled as ‘Luddites’ for Refusing to Adopt Cloud Technology
A national pedophile group has been labelled as ‘luddites’ by a major technology company after trialling their cloud solution for SMEs, only to revert back to their tried and tested …