Author: Zach Mindbender
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LinkedIn Business Model: We Took The Very Worst People And Said, “Here You Go…”
An exclusive inside look at LinkedIn’s business model from a former CEO has revealed that the business social network has always been intentionally looking to harbor the world’s very best douchebags in a single place. For a number of years it has been speculated that this was the goal of the tech Goliath but this…
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Conservatives To Continue To CAPITALIZE IMPORTANT POINTS On Social Media In 2018
THIS IS WHAT VALIDATES MY PRESENCE ONLINE. It worked in 2017 and by the grace of the lord it will probably work in 2018 too.
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“Standing And Watching” Is A Critical Bystander Response In An Emergency, Says Red Cross
“It is imperative that after witnessing a heart attack or some other terrible affliction, that the general public know how to effectively form a motionless circle around the injured party; offering no respite or assistance until the emergency services do or do not arrive.”
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People Who Put “Obligatory” Photos on Facebook Don’t Know What “Obligatory” Means
A sharp increase in the number of people putting “obligatory” photos on Facebook is likely due to poster not fully grasping the words meaning, a new report confirms. A huge surge in the number of people posting “obligatory” images or check-ins on Facebook has prompted the company to review its terms & conditions to ensure…
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Jeremy Clarkson’s Vile Racist Smog Causes UK To Miss Solar Eclipse
Jeremy Clarkson’s unjustifiably overinflated ego has been spewing a putrid racist smog which has caused the vast majority of the UK to miss out on the rare solar eclipse phenomenon this morning. The unique and wondrous marvel of the solar eclipse, which gives all people an opportunity to reflect on the beauty of our solar…
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Recently Separated Couple Talk To Friends Again For The First Time In 4 Years
Long term couple and one time soul-mates, Bethany Fisher and Steve Traunton, ended a 4 year relationship at the weekend and immediately sought comfort in the form of the single friends they both abandoned 4 years ago. It’s reported that both couples seamlessly returned to their respective friendship groups, acting as if nothing had changed…
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Benedict Cumberbatch Quick To Assure Public All Posh People Are Racist
British star of TV & Film, Benedict Cumberbatch, recently managed to assure his ever growing fan-base that all posh people have a unique capacity to be abhorrently racist, should one find ones-self sufficiently out of ones depth. Benedict Cumberbatch was being interviewed on American TV network PBS when he decided to wind back the clock…
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Islamic State Enter Five 18 Year Olds Into 2015 X Factor
IS have entered five of their youngest members into the 2015 X Factor, with rumours suggesting that if they don’t make Louis Walsh’s limp old Irish dick strain under a perverted bout of rigor mortis, they will blow themselves up live on stage. IS have released a video showing the quintuplet performing in a derelict…
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US Gun Lobbyists Call For Ban On Toy Guns
Following the tragic shooting of a 12 year old boy in Cleveland, Eugene Lardbutt, President of G.O.N.A.D.S (Gun Owners of North America Demand Slaughter), has slammed the plastic toy gun industry as being the cause of yet another needless fatality. The 12 year old was opened fire on by trained police officers with real guns…
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Man Ostracised by Friends After Gut-Wrenching Episode of ‘Hug-Kiss Purgatory’
A man in his twenties has been shunned by friends after an abhorrent instance of hug-kiss purgatory with a female acquaintance at a party. David Thompson, 24, was at a friends birthday party when the unthinkable situation occurred. “I just didn’t see it coming,” Said David. “I saw a girl across the room at the…