Category: Politics
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White House Efficiency Dictates Trump’s Next Son Be Named “Douchebag”
No longer can Donald Trump’s naming conventions for his seemingly never ending conveyor belt of offspring be allowed to flirt with the peripheries of subtlety and metaphor. Now that the Orange man is president, his next son must be named “Douchebag”, sources close to the White House have confirmed. Trump has come close on previous…
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General Election Succeeds In Exacerbating Truth That We All Fucking Hate Each Other
Shutterstock The results of today’s general election have put to rest two months of moronic banter which has done nothing but successfully uncover the deep-rooted abhorrence that is felt amongst the UK populous. Reigning matriarch of the British Isles and long time Gin fanatic, Liz No.2, has bequeathed sovereignty to existing bastard of twisted paradigm,…
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US Gun Lobbyists Call For Ban On Toy Guns
Following the tragic shooting of a 12 year old boy in Cleveland, Eugene Lardbutt, President of G.O.N.A.D.S (Gun Owners of North America Demand Slaughter), has slammed the plastic toy gun industry as being the cause of yet another needless fatality. The 12 year old was opened fire on by trained police officers with real guns…
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Russell Brand’s Revolution Will Begin on a Tuesday, Sources Confirm
Sources behind Russell Brand’s revolution have confirmed that after much debate, the revolution will properly start on a Tuesday. The day was picked as it is likely be the “shittest day of the week” and therefore everyones’ diaries should be pretty free from doing other stuff. “We thought about doing it on a Monday, what…
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BNP Leader Left Red-Faced as pet Bulldog Turns out to be French
Racist berk Nick Griffin has been ridiculed by hate-spewers all over England today, as it has been revealed his pet dog is in fact a ‘French’ bulldog. Griffin believed the beloved pet was a British Bulldog, which he bought to make him look patriotic and hard. He reportedly purchased the puppy in good faith from…
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President Obama Tells U.S Congress to ‘Sod Off’
After having every serious idea for change blocked in congress by Republicans, US President Barack Obama has officially told them all to “sod off”. A source close to the president says Mr. Obama is “fed up” and “can’t be arsed with it anymore”. The usually upbeat ragamuffin has been visibly down in recent weeks, with…