Category: Religion
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Pope To Resit Sunday School Exams After Claiming Jesus Would Have “Battered Some Fuckers”
Pope Francis has been asked to return to Sunday School classes and resit a final examination test again after claiming that in the face of provocation one should respond with violence. After his outburst, it is reported that an aide took him to one side and reminded the Pope that Jesus, “did not frequently retaliate…
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God Takes Sabbatical in Seychelles as Global Catastrophes Reach Boiling Point
The Lord Almighty has taken sabbatical in the Seychelles in the face of a number of global catastrophes, which appear to be spiralling towards a grave end for all man-kind. God has been confronted with a number of global crises in 2014, ranging from terrorism, institutionalised brutality, famine, disease, polytheism, an ever increasing disparity between…
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Christians Report That ‘God Was About To Perform Miracle Before Human Intervention’
A new statement from the Christian church has announced that God was about to save that boy from getting hit by a car, before some mindless human bystander intervened. An investigation by the Christian Research and Papal Supremacy group (C.R.A.P.S) has found that God was indeed going to perform many miracles, as recently as last…
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God Floods UK & USA for Trying to Play God in Middle-East
A statement from the pearly gates indicates that God has been the cause of Hurricane Bertha, resulting in floods and heavy winds across much of the UK and USA. The punishment was bestowed upon the two countries after further claims that they have been supplying weapons into both Iraq and the Gaza region. The statement…