Amanda Taylor, girlfriend of two years to Scott Turner, was massively perplexed last night that Scott didn’t know key plot developments of a movie neither of them had seen before …
Benedict Cumberbatch Quick To Assure Public All Posh People Are Racist
British star of TV & Film, Benedict Cumberbatch, recently managed to assure his ever growing fan-base that all posh people have a unique capacity to be abhorrently racist, should one …
Facebook To Immediately Attribute 100 Likes To Engagement, Pregnancy & Baby Posts
Facebook has made a change to its algorithm which will instantly attribute around 100 likes to any post announcing an engagement, pregnancy or infant baby photos, a Facebook spokesperson has …
Almost 95% Of Tube Commuters Are Ugly, New Report Confirms
A new report from the office of the Alignment of Rail Services and Envy (A.R.S.E) has confirmed that 95% of London’s tube commuters are ugly. The study took 5 men …
Single People Contemplate Installing Tinder for 17th Time
Single people around the world are reportedly contemplating installing Tinder again, for an average 17th time. Tinder – the last bastion of solace for singletons since 2012 – has been …
Pedophile Group Labelled as ‘Luddites’ for Refusing to Adopt Cloud Technology
A national pedophile group has been labelled as ‘luddites’ by a major technology company after trialling their cloud solution for SMEs, only to revert back to their tried and tested …
Train Companies Perform Satanic Ritual to Evoke Icelandic Volcano
Train conglomerates across Europe have recently returned from a mass satanic ritual at the peak of the Dyngjujokull Glacier where they were trying to evoke the infamous Volcano into eruption. …
Festival Haters Look Forward to Buying up Big Event Tickets for 2015
A recent Ticketgeezer.com survey has found that the majority of people who snap up priceless early-bird festival tickets, for big events like Glastonbury and Bestival, are actually way more in …
Fat People Officially ‘Taking the Piss’
A new survey from the office of national surveys has ascertained the collective mentality of the nations fats, and that they are actually, ‘taking the piss’. “I’ve been taking the …
Christians Report That ‘God Was About To Perform Miracle Before Human Intervention’
A new statement from the Christian church has announced that God was about to save that boy from getting hit by a car, before some mindless human bystander intervened. An …
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