An exclusive inside look at LinkedIn’s business model from a former CEO has revealed that the business social network has always been intentionally looking to harbor the world’s very best douchebags in a single place.
For a number of years it has been speculated that this was the goal of the tech Goliath but this confirmation puts any previous doubts to rest. A landmark day for all those who baffled at how so many awful people could end up in one place.
“Before LinkedIn, if you wanted to marvel at the minds of the conceited and awful, you had to spend time trawling through YouTube videos or physically attend a viral marketer’s conference or something.” Commented LinkedIn reporter, Brian “The Duck” Finchego.
“LinkedIn has made things much easier. A couple of clicks and my feed is littered with posts from ex motivational speakers who have fallen on hard times and are desperately seeking a job but have somehow retained the lack of humility to want to share that information with the world. I just can’t get enough.”
LinkedIn’s stocks soared following the announcement with one investor commenting, “LinkedIn stock is nothing but bullish now this news has been revealed. There is nothing you can bet your dollar on more than the perennial nature of douchebags on LinkedIn. That’s the kind of peace of mind my portfolio needs.”
Zach changed his name, quit football and now travels the world seeking out spoof news and weak minded individuals in equal measure. A dangerous and disturbing man and quite possibly the most perfect epitome of a Newspoof stakeholder.
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