Category: Society
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Bartender Surges in Social Media Popularity After Changing Bar Jobs
A 32 Year Old Man based in the crap end of Stoke Newington, North London has surged in popularity after moving bar jobs. The middle aged average bartender has switched one up market overpriced Soho bar for another and received a puzzling amount of attention. A move which was quoted by a source close to…
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People Arbitrarily Using “LOL” Probably Pedophiles, Warns Police
A monumental increase in the number of people arbitrarily using the word “LOL” online has prompted a stern warning from local Police authorities stating, “Watch out. They’re probably paedos.” Shocking exponential increases and evidence of flagrant online uses of the acronym “LOL”, in situations where the abbreviation is completed uncalled for, have lead to widespread interventions…
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Local Man Offers Homeless Person Look Of Sympathy In Lieu Of Cash
Whilst making his way to the barbers, local man Robert Gardener today resorted to offering a homeless person a look of fake and exaggerated sympathy in lieu of the cash he kindly requested. “I just didn’t have enough time to think it through. I turned the corner and he was sat just there, cap in hand, asking if I could spare some…
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People Who Put “Obligatory” Photos on Facebook Don’t Know What “Obligatory” Means
A sharp increase in the number of people putting “obligatory” photos on Facebook is likely due to poster not fully grasping the words meaning, a new report confirms. A huge surge in the number of people posting “obligatory” images or check-ins on Facebook has prompted the company to review its terms & conditions to ensure…
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Mental Health Foundation Reclassify Lunatic as Person Who Uses Facebook as Diary
The Mental Health Foundation today reclassified their definition of the word ‘lunatic’ (the highest grade of mental) to encapsulate users of Facebook who seem to think the social platform is a diary. Uses of Facebook as an online diary, e.g where a user talks about mundane tasks they have completed that day or intend to complete…
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Ravers Quickly Learning To Avoid People Who’ve Never Experienced Sleep Paralysis
Ravers the world over are noticing a common theme between people they don’t want to hang out with and people whom have never experienced sleep paralysis. This realisation could not have come at a more convenient time, with the height of festival season and the beautiful Summer weather leaving ravers with very little free time on…
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General Election Succeeds In Exacerbating Truth That We All Fucking Hate Each Other
Shutterstock The results of today’s general election have put to rest two months of moronic banter which has done nothing but successfully uncover the deep-rooted abhorrence that is felt amongst the UK populous. Reigning matriarch of the British Isles and long time Gin fanatic, Liz No.2, has bequeathed sovereignty to existing bastard of twisted paradigm,…
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Woman Dies After Making Final Pointless Scroll Down Facebook News Feed
A British woman sadly died today after making a fatally pointless scroll down her Facebook news feed. Early toxicology reports indicate that a combination of sheer boredom and self loathing ultimately contributed to her demise. Sally Tinglegooch from Peterborough had reportedly taken the day off from work after feeling slightly unwell, only to be presented…
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Recently Separated Couple Talk To Friends Again For The First Time In 4 Years
Long term couple and one time soul-mates, Bethany Fisher and Steve Traunton, ended a 4 year relationship at the weekend and immediately sought comfort in the form of the single friends they both abandoned 4 years ago. It’s reported that both couples seamlessly returned to their respective friendship groups, acting as if nothing had changed…
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‘Shitting Yourself’ Voted Literally The Worst Thing A Guy Can Do When Meeting New In-Laws
In a recent nationwide survey by stillsingle.com, shitting yourself when meeting new in-laws was voted as the worst thing that could possibly happen in that situation. The survey provided 5 options taken from real life stories at stillsingle.com’s forum; recently voted the most depressing forum on the internet. The full results of the survey were…