Category: Sports
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European Football To Introduce ‘Penalty Or A Goal’ For 2015/2016 Season
FIFA are going to introduce the tried and tested playground model of ‘penalty or a goal’ in time for the 2015/2016 season. This is amidst claims from Sepp Blatter that it could “help settle thousands of on pitch disputes” and ultimately speed up the game. Just as it seemed that global football might be turning…
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Ryder Cup Just a Fantastic Excuse for Inter-Continental “Wife Swapping Orgy”
The Ryder Cup has been nothing but a cloak for a biennial, inter-continental wife-swapping orgy according to ex-USA team member, Davis Love III. “The golf is nothing but a side act to the heinous debauchery that occurs when the day is finished.” Stated Mr. Davis Love III. “We’re talking 4 consecutive evenings of some of…
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Hodgson, Redknapp, Sven; FA Take ‘Facial Creases’ Very Seriously When Selecting England Manager
In a recent interview, the English Football Association has confirmed that the quantity, frequency and down-right absurdity of a candidates facial creases play a key factor when selecting England manager. “If you look back over the years, you’ll see a clear trend when it comes to England managers and facial creases. The greater the frequency…
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Van Gaal Rues Missed Opportunity to Sign “Gazza”
New Manchester United boss, Louis Van Gaal, has been ruing the lack of scouting ability and foresight within Man Utd after having recently missed out on the opportunity to sign England legend, Paul Gascoigne. Gazza put pen to paper on a year long deal with Abbey FC who ply their trade in the Bournemouth Sunday…
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Cliff Richard Actually Hates Tennis and Spends Wimbledon Staring at Ball Boys
Overnight rumours have surfaced that geriatric bible enthusiast Cliff Richard actually hates tennis because of a harrowing experience he had as a child. Sources tell Newspoof that as a 5-year-old, Cliff was perusing a local sports store when a bucket of over 1000 tennis balls tipped off a shelf and landed on his head. Although…
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‘Coolness’ was the Deciding Factor in Premier League Using Vanishing Spray this Season
The Premier League’s decision to use vanishing spray this season was influenced primarily by how ‘cool’ everyone thought it was at the World Cup. The Premier League has this season introduced the vanishing spray that was so popular at the World Cup, because it oozed enough global coolness for it to be considered to be…
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Celtic’s Perfectly Executed ‘Kansas City Shuffle’
Celtic have again been rewarded for a flawlessly executed tactic of misdirection which has seen their team edge closer to Champions League qualification. Legia Warsaw have been dumped out of the competition for fielding an ineligible player, something Celtic also managed to achieve just three years ago when playing European minnows, Sion, who are reportedly named…
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Tiger Woods Back Problems Definitely all Golf Related…
Tiger Woods has a long history of back problems which are definitely all related to the high intense sport which is his profession. And nothing else… His latest injury setback has caused him to pull out (ahem) of the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational in Ohio after he shanked it a little bit too hard out of the rough and had…
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Mourinho ‘had’ to Re-sign Drogba to Obtain Key to Secret WAG Porn Stash
Jose Mourinho ‘had’ to re-sign Didier Drogba for Chelsea, as apparently the 36 year old striker was the only one who knew the 4 digit PIN code to the secret WAG porn stash. A stash which now hasn’t seen the light of day for two years and exists somewhere at the Cobham Training Centre. “Myself and…