Shutterstock The results of today’s general election have put to rest two months of moronic banter which has done nothing but successfully uncover the deep-rooted abhorrence that is felt amongst …
Jeremy Clarkson’s Vile Racist Smog Causes UK To Miss Solar Eclipse
Jeremy Clarkson’s unjustifiably overinflated ego has been spewing a putrid racist smog which has caused the vast majority of the UK to miss out on the rare solar eclipse phenomenon …
Man Inadvertently Shows This Morning’s Porn To Hundreds Of Commuters
A London man suffered indescribable embarrassment this morning as he opened up his smartphone browser, only to display the hardcore pornographic imagery he had been thrashing his fleshy phallus to …
Channel 5 Launch Rival To HBO Epic Named ‘Game Of Benefits’
Channel 5, the notorious British TV channel famed for expertly exploiting the working class, has decided to launch a fantasy epic based on a council estate in Mansfield called, ‘Game …
All Pension Holders Offered ‘Double Or Nothing’ On Life Savings
Pensioners up and down the UK have been offered a once in a lifetime ‘double or nothing’ deal on their accumulated life savings, reports confirm. The conglomerate of pension companies …
British Board of Film Classification Insist Britons Wank To ‘Vanilla Bullshit’
A new study by adult smut site, Pornhub has revealed a long list of newly banned porn types by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) who are insisting the …
Pedophile Given ‘Keys To The City’ As Lucky 1,000th Pedophile Arrested This Year
A Doctor, who was initially arrested in London today, has instead been given the ‘keys to the city’ as the lucky 1,000th pedophile arrested in the UK this year. Dr. …
Almost 95% Of Tube Commuters Are Ugly, New Report Confirms
A new report from the office of the Alignment of Rail Services and Envy (A.R.S.E) has confirmed that 95% of London’s tube commuters are ugly. The study took 5 men …
London Considering Numerous Human Traffic Measures Around City
Boris Johnson today announced that, amidst the ongoing negotiations surrounding the pedestrianisation of London’s city centre, installing pedestrian only traffic lights and other pedestrian traffic safety systems would be “largely …
Unemployed Man Rides Tube During Commute to Quell Agonising Loneliness
An unemployed man living in London has taken to riding the underground during busy commuter hours, just to feel the warmth of other human beings. Our reporters have confirmed. John …
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